Don't Steal My Comedy

I'm watching a great show on Netflix. Dangerous World in Comedy. Larry Charles looks at how comedy is used in the most dangerous places in the world. I love it. It helped me realize that satire was my way of dealing with a disappointing life. I never got offended, depression didn't feel like the end of my world, and anxiety wasn't the guard of my prison cell. 

My enemies knew they had nothing on me. It was my "allies" who took my freedom when they said I shouldn't laugh at myself. I was wrong for believing them. So, I'm taking my freedom back because I want my life back. Are you offended? Let me tell you something:

When I desperately needed help I was turned away. Years ago I had a nervous breakdown after losing a job unjustly. Before being fired, I had been overworked in a toxic environment, dealing with a narcissistic landlord and caring for an alcoholic boyfriend. Being bipolar certainly didn't aid in coping with these stressors. But for years prior to these events, my life was already on a downward spiral. I had thought I was I was on the upward swing and my life was finally taking a turn for the better. The disappoinment of the drastic turn was unbearable. I was now in crisis. 

 Unfortunately, though I was at risk of suicide, at that time below the poverty line and homeless, I didn't fit stereotypes. Because of my background I was considered ', high functioning,' I was a black person but I never went to jail nor was on drugs, and I wasn't a woman with a bunch of babies out of wedlock. These were conservative & liberal organizations with checklists that prevented me from getting help.  Their perspective affected my life. I'm still trying to recover from the damage. I went from high functioning to...well, if I work hard enough in can become an alcoholic. Maybe I'll get help then. 

Now, that's not funny. But when I turn it all into a sketch it will be. And I'll be stronger because of it and not because of those people who believe they save the marginalized and the weak.  

We need comedy. It reminds us not to take life so seriously. When we laugh we tell the enemies that they can't intimidate us, that they can't take our freedom....our identity. If you steal my comedy you are no better than those you think you're better than. So do what's best for you instead. Don't decide what's best for me.

Being told I shouldn't even laugh at myself because it may encourage others to be offensive? What does that say? My identity was taken from me. I allowed it. I'm taking back. I'm a black woman with mental illness. The one thing that kept me strong people want to steal. No.

Offended? Look inside yourself to learn why. That's your work to do. I've done mine. I know what works for me. I'm strong enough to laugh at myself. I don't need to prove who I am. I don't need to hide my humor any more than I need to hide my bipolar. Laughter keeps me alive.

If people can risk getting killed to tell a joke in countries where mere living is a privilege, not a right I can risk ridicule in a country that has everything but wants more just so I can have my selfish way in my own life.